© Jo Hewitt THE TEAL MANGO, 2014
Once during those years between childhood and full blown adolescence, I yelled at my mother, “I wish I had never been born!” (original dialogue, huh?”) “Well you were! So make the best of it.” she responded.
I remember thinking I did not sign up for this. I didn’t sign any contracts. As a child, this was not the life as I wanted it. And as an adult, I still think this is still not the life I wanted or had imagined.
Now in all fairness, there are parts of it I love. I love my children, and now, also my grandchildren, some family and friends. I have met some pretty neat people along the way. I have been given gifts, talents, and insights that not everyone has. It is during the everyday struggles, the tests cutting away, molding, shaping, as on a piece of clay: health and economic problems, the joy and sorrow of being alone, and just the general perversity, decay and destruction of the planet and all life systems at the hand of humankind-perhaps that should be human”unkind”, that I again think, “I did not sign up for this life, this very strange script of this very strange tour of duty.
I have read someplace, but of course I can’t remember where, that the soul chooses the conditions into which it is born in this realm that will create opportunities for growth. I don’t know if that is true or not. I do know that every day, every week, my whole life has seemed like tests. Opportunities for growth, maybe. Maybe I am still stuck in spiritual adolescence. Every time I think I have figured something out, had an aha moment, thought I had grown a little, the script seems to change. There are scenes that never existed, never will exist, let alone make it to the cutting room. I would like to be a little more of the director and feel a little less like the player or the played.